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People who annoy me, vol. 3

It's been quite a while since the last installment of PWAM, but this morning's commute pushed me over the edge. Maybe it is the icy rain that is falling from the sky. Maybe everyone has a bad case of PPD (Post-Patriots Depression). Or maybe people just suck.

This morning's offenders weren't the worst people in the world, I'll say that, but they were irksome. First off is the person who walks and reads at the same time. Seriously, what the eff is this all about? Don't get me wrong. I love books. I daresay I love books more than the next person. Shit, I make books for a living and get paid a nominal sum to do so, and so I think books and reading rank pretty high on my "things in my life that I find important" list. That being said, I have never walked and read a book at the same time. Certainly not in throngs of morning commuter foot traffic! Are you really going to tell me that Danielle Steele paperback is so enthralling you can't put it down for your 24 second walk between the commuter rail and the orange/green line? Really? I am not talking about people who read while waiting for the train. That is normal and safe. But people who walk (in the rain!) and read at the same time are the same kind of people who get hit by trains. And I don't feel bad for them.

Next up are the sneaky offenders I like to call seat snobs. When you get on a train you make a decision to left or right, fine, makes sense. But you can't walk by 5 perfectly good seats to get to the seat closer to the other door you didn't come in, because that was my seat! Now when I try to get to one of the seats you passed on your way to take the one closer to me, I can't, because the people coming in your door have taken them. Seriously. Don't walk by a seat! It's what causes traffic jams on the trains themselves! Times when it is acceptable to walk by a seat:

• When there is an unidentified puddle on said seat.
• When the seat is next to a person who talks to him/herself and quite possibley may be deranged.
• When the seat is next to a screaming/sneezing/sticky/fidgety toddler.

Which in a roundabout way, brings me to my last set of people who suck on the train - women who give me the death stare when I don't give up my seat to them because I can't tell if they are fat or pregnant. I've been told my whole life by pregnant and non-pregnant women alike, no one wants to be viewed as pregnant if she is, in fact, not pregnant. In the event of obvious gestation I'd be happy to give up my seat to you (though I still think a man should give up his seat to you before I do, call me old fashioned, but a man is likely who got you into this commuting predicament in the first place), but if I can't tell, well, sorry, you aren't getting my seat. I don't know if that makes me a bad person, but frankly I don't care. Being kinda fat and/or being slightly pregnant is not a disability that warrants you getting my seat. So please don't stare at me like I'm the World's Worst Feminist (which I very well might be). Stare at the guy next to me, or at Twinkie the Kid.

And that concludes today's installment of People Who Annoy Me. Aren't you glad I'm back?

Oh hai

Sorry, folks! I got a new, bigger penis, like, six weeks ago and I just lost track of time what with all the fun I was having. My bad!

No, for realsies, I don't really know what I've been up to since November 8 but I will try my best to recap, complete with visual evidence, lolcat style.

We attended a wedding on November 10 - our friends Beth and Tom were wedded in holy matrimony. It was a really lovely night wedding, and we realized it was the first night wedding we'd ever attended (that is, the ceremony itself was at 6:30 p.m.) Their reception was at the Hawthorne Hotel in Salem, and that was our second choice for our wedding, so it was a lot of fun to finally attend a wedding there. Making the night extra better was that there was this pumpkin there called Flat Jack. He was basically a huge, flat pumpkin that weighed like 1100 pounds. My pumpkin, let me show you him: Also you may notice that my hair is also flat (no boob jokes, please). And darker brown. I colored my hair that same day and I am in the love with it. I also have had it straightened twice since then - for the wedding and my ten year reunion (which I will blog about shortly).

Hub and I took the week preceding Thanksgiving off. We attended a housewarming party for my friend Gerrilyn, and also went to see Bruce Springsteen at the Gahden with my dad and our friend Danny. It. Was. Awesome. I have seen Bruce only four times now, and I am never disappointed. I wish I had photos of that, but sadly no. Too dark. And too much rocking out!

The night before Thanksgiving we headed north to New Hampshire for a pre-reunion-reunion with all of my friends from high school. Our friend Carrie, who moved to Washington state last year, was home again, so we all gathered in one spot to make fun of people we haven't seen in a long time and dance in the kitchen to Bel Biv Devoe songs. That's what everyone does the night before Thanksgiving, yes? (Blogger note: I had pictures from this evening. Many funny ones. I cannot find them. It's kind of making my head hurt. So I will try to re-find them at some point.)

Thanksgiving was lovely. We ate.

On the Saturday after Thanksgiving, Hub and I both attended our 10 year high school reunions. Mine was at the high-class establishment The Rack (edit: It was Felt. Not the Rack. The Rack doesn't even exist anymore. Shows you how good of a time I had!), while C's was at Lucky's, the bar with no sign outside, so that people who are coming for a reunion spend 10 minutes walking up and down the street trying to find it. All in all, we had a good time.

Since Thanksgiving break, we have spent most of our time at home with Freddie Freddie Dingleberry and our house. Everything is coming along nicely. I especially love our Christmas tree and had a good time decorating it. So did Freddie:

Freddie hasn't really bothered with the tree, thankfully. The house is still undergoing a Christmas transformation, which will hopefully be complete by December 24, considering we are having 14 people at our house on Christmas day, Lord help me. But the tree looks damn good.

Oh yeah, it totally snowed like 10 inches in three minutes yesterday, which made my 1 hour and ten minute commute 2 hour and twenty minute commute. The snow is pretty, I guess, until it all turns to icy shit. I took Freddie out for a walk today.

It's going to be a long winter for Freddie.

I promise to be a better blogger going forward. Maybe I will make it my new year's resolution.

In the meantime:

Apparently I need a bigger penis.

I have received an onslaught of penis spam lately. Here's just a sampling of the subject lines:

• May I ask why you are so unhappy with your dick?
• Does your Mr. Winkie need upgrading?
• Prepare your love wand for the next battle!!

And the worst of all time,

• Have you ever felt the kiss of a womb? With longer penis you will!

Freddie the Melancholy Moose.



I'm not a fan of Halloween, neither is Chris, and apparently neither is Freddie.
Maybe if he had a costume that fit he would have liked it a bit more, but until then, not so much.

Wolling Wally.

More pics to come tonight (from my camera, of actual players, not me). The parade was a lot of fun. I didn't cry like in 2004, but it was still pretty cool. Looking forward to a Pats parade in early '08! I didn't see any of the "Jumbletrons" that Mayor Menino spoke of, but I did get a great view of "Dropkick Murphy" and his band. That Mayor Menino. Boy is he a hoot

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"



First we went to Game 6 of the ALCS. It was a much better experience than our trip to Game 2. Then we went to Game 1 of the WS. Fantastic game there. Beckett, as usual, lights out. At those two games, as well as at Game 7, and at WS Games 2, 3, and 4, I texted with my friend who works for the Sox and my friend who lives, breathes, and sleeps the Sox. A selection:



Regarding Game 6:

• "Redemption is spelled J.D.!!!!!!!!"
• "Wow just fucking wow."
• "This is insanity. Jd Drew!??!"
• "I said please be a hero jd drew....and he was!"
• "Vaya con dios fausto. Ta-ta."
• "Don't forget to pronounce it correctly!"
• "Ju-li-OOOHH!!!!!!!!!!"
• "YAH BITCHES"
• "Pound em into the ground! No mercy!"
• "Awesome game. Drew, lugo, gagne. Was like the twilight zone."

Regarding Game 1:

• "They are playing blame it on the rain bc colorado is sucking. Hahahaha!"
• "Another schmucking!"
• "This is pretty ugly."

A Boston College interlude:

• "Did Matt Ryan just boot?"

Regarding utility players:

• "I kind of have a crush on royce clayton."

Regarding singers:

• About Lonestar: "Could these guys be any fuglier?"
  "I don't think so...someone should have told fox ahead of time...could have backed those cameras up a little..."
• "Who dis singing?"
• "Boyz ii men!"
• "They be short one!"
• "Holla t yearwood in the hizzy!"

Regarding Manny:

• "Why did they have to compare Manny to a venemous snake?"
• "love manny's hat. But enough talking abt it. Cripes!"
• "Seriously. Lay off the manny. love that man."

Regarding Fox:

• "Fox iz gay."
• "I will be glad when mccarver retires!"

Regarding Jacoby Ellsbury:

• "Yay free tacos!"
• "I love tacoby bellsbury."

Regarding chants:

• "I hate this chant."
• "The go rockies chant is useless obvi."
• "We are chanting other things as you can imagine."
• "Whats the gay tulowitz chant? We can't understand it on tv!"
• "Hate. The. Tulo. Chant."

Regarding Denver:

• "I have a natural high from the thin air."
• "ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIIIIIGGHH. HOLLA!"
• "Mile high city what what!"

Regarding Lugo:

• "THATS MY BOY LUGO!"
• "LUGO ON FIYAH!"
• "He looks like a chi wa wa (no clue how to spell it)"

Regarding the end of Game 4:

• "Um. did I just see e. gag warming up?"
• "It would be an interesting move. and by that I mean a SHITTY move!!!!!!!"
• "We just sang sweet caroline."
• "We just played ojajimas theme song! oki doki!"
• "Fuuuuudddge."
• "Crying"
• "Shitting"
• "why god-ing"
• "wah wah ing"
• "fretting. hating."
• "Oh im gonna cry"
• "oh lord in heaven pls help us."
• "No bench left if this goes to extra innings. You cocky bastard francona!"
• "Let em whip those towels. We're just making for a more exciting World Series win..."
• "We are going to fucking win because I'm wearing a Papelbon shirt."
• "Im trying not to cry. I love paps."
• "Cue inspirational music."
• "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!! Eat towels denver!"
• "Fuck yeah I am a 2007 World Series Champion"
• "HOLLA CANT WAIT FOR THE ROLLING RALLY!!!"
• "How fitting that Bruce caps off the night!"

I love the Sox. I love Fenway. Thanks for a great 2007 boys.