People who annoy me, vol. 3

It's been quite a while since the last installment of PWAM, but this morning's commute pushed me over the edge. Maybe it is the icy rain that is falling from the sky. Maybe everyone has a bad case of PPD (Post-Patriots Depression). Or maybe people just suck.

This morning's offenders weren't the worst people in the world, I'll say that, but they were irksome. First off is the person who walks and reads at the same time. Seriously, what the eff is this all about? Don't get me wrong. I love books. I daresay I love books more than the next person. Shit, I make books for a living and get paid a nominal sum to do so, and so I think books and reading rank pretty high on my "things in my life that I find important" list. That being said, I have never walked and read a book at the same time. Certainly not in throngs of morning commuter foot traffic! Are you really going to tell me that Danielle Steele paperback is so enthralling you can't put it down for your 24 second walk between the commuter rail and the orange/green line? Really? I am not talking about people who read while waiting for the train. That is normal and safe. But people who walk (in the rain!) and read at the same time are the same kind of people who get hit by trains. And I don't feel bad for them.

Next up are the sneaky offenders I like to call seat snobs. When you get on a train you make a decision to left or right, fine, makes sense. But you can't walk by 5 perfectly good seats to get to the seat closer to the other door you didn't come in, because that was my seat! Now when I try to get to one of the seats you passed on your way to take the one closer to me, I can't, because the people coming in your door have taken them. Seriously. Don't walk by a seat! It's what causes traffic jams on the trains themselves! Times when it is acceptable to walk by a seat:

• When there is an unidentified puddle on said seat.
• When the seat is next to a person who talks to him/herself and quite possibley may be deranged.
• When the seat is next to a screaming/sneezing/sticky/fidgety toddler.

Which in a roundabout way, brings me to my last set of people who suck on the train - women who give me the death stare when I don't give up my seat to them because I can't tell if they are fat or pregnant. I've been told my whole life by pregnant and non-pregnant women alike, no one wants to be viewed as pregnant if she is, in fact, not pregnant. In the event of obvious gestation I'd be happy to give up my seat to you (though I still think a man should give up his seat to you before I do, call me old fashioned, but a man is likely who got you into this commuting predicament in the first place), but if I can't tell, well, sorry, you aren't getting my seat. I don't know if that makes me a bad person, but frankly I don't care. Being kinda fat and/or being slightly pregnant is not a disability that warrants you getting my seat. So please don't stare at me like I'm the World's Worst Feminist (which I very well might be). Stare at the guy next to me, or at Twinkie the Kid.

And that concludes today's installment of People Who Annoy Me. Aren't you glad I'm back?