Famous dudes I am embarassed to say I have a crush on, #3

I imagine I am not the only person out there to have a crush on this person so I'll just come right and say, I have a crush on Jeff Corwin.

Perhaps I am most embarassed because I actually did in fact once say (to other real live people), "I'd like to have a Jeff Corwin experience," and then felt kind of icky afterwards because, well, he's sort of a geek! But he is also a local boy done good and, heck, he likes animals a whole lot and so do I.

He's just a little over the top and puts animals on his body a little too much, for me, and yet I can't help but read any article I can find about him, or watch his endless snake wrangling on the tee-vee.

Here are some pics. You be the judge. Embarassing or no?

People who annoy me, vol. 2

Seriously, I have just about had it up to the proverbial "here" with commuting. I hate driving, I hate the orange line, I had humankind, and I have had it. I don't know if the commuter rail is going to make a difference in my life, but it will at the very least be a change of scenery.

Here are the two gems I encountered on the subway today. First was the Italian stallion sitting diagonally across from me with his faux-fro and his headphones on, chewing his gum SO LOUDLY AND SMACKILY that I could hear it even while listening to T.I., Nelly, and the Ying Yang Twins (and to avoid becoming a subway asshole myself, I don't turn my music up loud enough so that everyone can hear it. Maybe I should from now on). For real, his gum-chewing was turning my stomach. Does he not realize he sounds like a cow? Or an effing moron? Has no one in his life cared about him enough to tell him that he chews like a person brought up in a cave? And, coming from a non-gum chewer, what kind of person chews gum at 8:15 a.m., if you aren't on an airplane? Did you forget to brush your teeth this morning? Are you doing a walk of shame home?

And then, next to me, plops a delightful woman who apparently did not realize that NEWSPAPERS have FOLDS down the MIDDLE so you can FOLD THEM while you READ THEM and not have to put your FAT STUPID ARM in my face!!! Bitch, do you even SEE how I am holding MY newspaper? I folded it! Holy shit, can you even BELIEVE the concept?!?! I felt like Rain Man this morning, rocking back and forth saying to myself, "Try using the fold...the fold is there for a reason...please fold your newspaper." But instead I had a fat elbow in my face for 25 minutes.

I will be taking the commuter rail starting next week. Updates to come.

I'm too old for this program.

Here are some texts exchanged last night between me and two friends while watching the VMAs:

"Brit sucked! Was she on crack?"
"Did u watch that disaster?"
"I was shocked @ how bad she was. It was like a bad dance recital!"
"Awful. Absolute disaster. She totally sucked it hard core."
"Besides the awful lipsyncing she is way too thick for that outfit!"
"Wow. Just. Wow."
"Why did she dance so slow?"
"She looked like she was on sedatives."
"Definitely some muscle relaxers & something for her nerves."
"And vodka."
"Brit is dunn."

"Ahaha chris just said 'is that ricky martin?' It was robin thicke."
"Common is DELICIOUS."
"Rhianna=gorgeous."
"Who are the black dudes that just sang with fall out boy?"
"No idea but fall out boy is singing with everyone."
"Is that t.i. with jt?"
"Also adam levine looks so gay lately. Is he?"
"Is jamie foxx hammered?"
"I think they are all hammered. Seriously shittanked out of their minds. Justin, Jaime, Diddy, all of them."
"The black dudes with fall out boy were gym class heroes."
"Mjb better save this show."
"Dre is jacked"
"Dre is HUGE"
"Who just sang that before mjb came out?"
"Tommy lee and kid rock really fought?"
"I am so confused. It might be bedtime."