People who annoy me, vol. 2

Seriously, I have just about had it up to the proverbial "here" with commuting. I hate driving, I hate the orange line, I had humankind, and I have had it. I don't know if the commuter rail is going to make a difference in my life, but it will at the very least be a change of scenery.

Here are the two gems I encountered on the subway today. First was the Italian stallion sitting diagonally across from me with his faux-fro and his headphones on, chewing his gum SO LOUDLY AND SMACKILY that I could hear it even while listening to T.I., Nelly, and the Ying Yang Twins (and to avoid becoming a subway asshole myself, I don't turn my music up loud enough so that everyone can hear it. Maybe I should from now on). For real, his gum-chewing was turning my stomach. Does he not realize he sounds like a cow? Or an effing moron? Has no one in his life cared about him enough to tell him that he chews like a person brought up in a cave? And, coming from a non-gum chewer, what kind of person chews gum at 8:15 a.m., if you aren't on an airplane? Did you forget to brush your teeth this morning? Are you doing a walk of shame home?

And then, next to me, plops a delightful woman who apparently did not realize that NEWSPAPERS have FOLDS down the MIDDLE so you can FOLD THEM while you READ THEM and not have to put your FAT STUPID ARM in my face!!! Bitch, do you even SEE how I am holding MY newspaper? I folded it! Holy shit, can you even BELIEVE the concept?!?! I felt like Rain Man this morning, rocking back and forth saying to myself, "Try using the fold...the fold is there for a reason...please fold your newspaper." But instead I had a fat elbow in my face for 25 minutes.

I will be taking the commuter rail starting next week. Updates to come.